Emotionally Unavailable or Just Stupid?

So here I am in the midst of dating a super great guy. He is smart, funny and very nice, far too nice in fact. We will call him “Super-nice Scientist Guy”. He wants to see me all the time, (but not too much) and I enjoy seeing him. He treats me to nice dinners, a good laugh and even took me for a massage at the spa. As for attraction, it too is there, he is a great kisser - a bittoo huggy kissy for me but not a deal breaker. I know you can see where this is going so I’ll get right to it. What is the problem? Well the problem is this; I am just not ‘feeling it’. There is no heart flutter or butterflies in my tummy. Am I expecting too much too soon. I can usually tell if I like someone at this point, but I am distracted. I’m not sure by what, but something is holding me back.…

Well it turns out I found out the answer to the above. There are 2 reasons I couldn’t make it work with super-nice scientist guy. #1) I am emotionally unavailable… for the most part. But only to nice guys who are interested in me. I am available to assholes. That’s right I love assholes - turns out men are right nice guys finish last.

Reason #2) The asshole in question. I fell for a guy (we will call him ‘Dude’)… yup a guy who is aloof, a guy who calls me sexy when he wants me to have fun with him, a guy who makes me smile when I’m around, but makes me cry when I’m not. (okay okay we all know I don’t cry, but I needed the dramatic effect there.) Seriously, I broke up with Super-Nice Scientist Guy for the Dude and now I regret it. Not because I necessarily think it would have worked with Super-Nice Scientist Guy (no heart flutter); but I didn’t even date Dude. Let me explain further. I had a crush on Dude because he made me laugh, he made me feel sexy, and we have great good . Sounds like a perfect relationship - no? Well it was not a relationship it was a fantasy that only I was a part of. I some how conjured up a relationship out of a few jokes, some good company, and crazy attraction.

So where am I now. I broke up with Super-Nice Scientist Guy (as you know) because I felt guilty for having a crush on Dude (in addition to being emotionally unavailable), confessed to Dude my ‘feelings’ for him…. And now I am alone and miserable. Why because I was seeing what I wanted to see with Dude. I can’t stress this enough, if it looks like a duck, and acts like a duck, it’s a duck…if it looks like a relationship, and feels like a relationship, CLARIFY… Men aren’t ducks. So if it looks like you could be happy with someone make sure they are on the same page because if not you WILL get hurt. Even if he is your friend. I don’t think Dude did it on purpose, but he broke me… he took a confident women and made a pile of bitter and sad. I don’t blame him completely, I blame me, but I (we women) deserve better, and need to be on the look out. My newest advice (and likely a repeat) LOOK OUT FOR NUMBER ONE! That’s you. I’m not saying not to let men in, just be careful.

Take care out there ladies, put on your boxing gloves and get in the ring.