Push and Run

For those of you who don't know my relationship pattern, it goes something like this. Meet a guy... usually am not interested. He manages to spend time with me 'cause I can't say now. I start to like him, as soon as I realize that I could like him a lot I push him away or run in the other direction.

So if you read my post below, you will see that I met someone I liked and he was just like me. So much that when things started to get good and I got comfortable, he pushed and ran.

Push and Run.. That's what I will call it.. the Push and Run.

Is there a lesson in this? Am I suppose to date the guy who is like me or opposite? How do I pick and choose. I want someone who has outgoing qualities like me, but can share the centre of attention. I need someone who can take it slow, but isn't afraid of commitment like I am. I want someone who has a dreams, but can bring me down from having my head in the clouds when he has to. I don't know how so many people have found love and gotten married, seems too tricky. I need to know your secrets. Please share.

I will just hope for better luck next time I guess.

Next...

So I've been getting emails asking me to update my blog.... who am I dating now, what's going on etc. I have to tell you this blog is getting a bit boring as it is always about me lately. Please!!! send me stories, I need more.

Anyway I digress...

I am writing with a story this time that doesn't upset me, scare me or frustrate me. I met a man and I like him. Seriously, it was a random meeting, at a bar of all places, he joked and invited me to the Bahamas, seemed nice, I gave him my card and thought nothing of it. Figured just a nice laugh.

Well a few days later I got an email saying that if I wouldn't go to the Bahamas the least I could do was let him take me out for dinner. So of course I did... well lunch, but lunch led to dinner (the same day). I have been dating him for a few weeks now, and I look forward to seeing him again. Rare for me. I don't know how to describe him, but in a nutshell he is the male version of me. I think that's a good thing.

I hope to keep you posted on good things... but please someone give me stories to entertain!!

I'm Free!!

So a long time coming I finally told Tom I didn't want to see him anymore. It was hard as he was/is so nice to me... good news is he fucked up. It wasn't a big deal really, but it did 'give me an out' basically confirming what we knew all along, that we weren't good together.

I am excited, and I am ready to try again. Good luck to me. Stay posted though as I have met some interesting people who might get a chance to lock me in... lol... Also good luck to them.

It's Official I'm afraid of Commitment

I have nothing to add to that. I don't want a boyfriend, I don't want a husband, I want to continue to fill my life with meaningless relationships.

This sucks. Hoping someone can change that, but I don't see it happening soon.

Commitment-Phobic

So... I'm sure we are all wondering about Tom. I am still seeing him. I did tell him how I felt, or more so how I don't feel. Surprisingly he took it well, and in fact might like me more. I have found myself wanting to hang out with him more often now that the pressure is off. Can you say commitment-phobic?

I worry that I want him around because I'm lonely. Then I worry that I don't want him around because I am afraid of commitment. I am the most confused person I know. I want a boyfriend, but if I there is someone interested I push them away. I think it ultimately comes down to this:

When the right guy comes around I will NOT push him away, I will NOT be afraid, and I WILL be happy.

Until then I am going make a real effort with Tom. He is happy to keep it casual, and I'm good at that.

The other thing I have to get over is being with him in public or in front of friends... I am so closed. I'm not embarrassed of him at all, and god I hope he doesn't think I am. I just feel (likely as we have mutual friends) that every move we make is under scrutiny. In fact it bothers me so much he hasn't met any of my friends. I hate people judging before I do. I guess I want to decide how I feel before I hear the opinions of others... and being as I can't do that I'm going to have to have a secret/private relationship until then.

I am just wondering if anyone else's out there is as crazy as I am. Seriously this is not even girly, it's stupid.

Change of Heart or Chicken Shit?

With Respect to the previous entry I am still dating Tom as I may, or may not, have had a change of heart. He seems to be calming down around me, especially when we aren't alone. I am giving it a shot. Someone who treats me that well deserves an effort on my part.

I have to be honest though, I'm going in thinking it's not going to work. I know can't go in thinking that. I just know myself. Hopefully I can be PC and if I have to end it, and end it well. Or alternatively I hope I fall madly in love with him and have his babies... ha ha okay that was a joke. Just hoping to like him for now.

Back in the dating scene…

So at the end of 2006 I was on a bit of a roll. Had a few dates although nothing amounted to anything more then a few dates. What I did find though is that the men keep getting younger… or I'm quickly getting older? One friend pointed out to me that, even though we are getting older our tastes aren’t so the twenty-something year olds are still very appealing. I agree.

I have been dating someone (3 dates only) 2 years younger than me, not a big deal, in fact hardly noticeable. We will call him Tom. He is smart and really nice, and not bad to look at, fairly attractive actually, but not only is the spark not there, one I thought was there as we have been dancing around dating each other for over a year, but it seems as if we are on 2 different pages, more so 2 different books. He is reading science-fiction and I’m ready a biography. He has fun and is enthusiastic every time I see him, so happy etc. I on the other hand want to saw off my arm. Seriously, I find his stories long and uninteresting, not necessarily because they are boring, I really just think it’s a bad match. This normally wouldn’t be a problem except that he is a friend of a friend. This friend I didn’t want to tell about the dating, but Tom has already mentioned it… he is also writing a tell all book. That bugs me as well. Three dates to me hardly constitutes bragging rights, and I have only told a couple friends, no names mentioned, no introductions or anything. Now the question is, how to I stop seeing him without causing a wave of interest and far too many inquiries? I don't think I can, I must prepare.

Next date, accidental date really, but has to be mentioned is interesting for a number of reasons. Reason number one, he was a lot younger then me. We will call him Joey (‘cause he is a kid) lol. My usual rule is half my age plus 7, he is half my age plus 6. That is a lot younger then me, but as I said, my taste hasn’t changed. Thinking we were just hanging out (he is a friend from an old job) I agreed to go out with him. When he arrived and after a few comments he made I realized he thought we were on a date... I guess we were. I didn’t worry too much about it until afterward. Which brings us to interesting bit number two, I had more fun with him then I did with Tom. This pushes me further into thinking I need to end things with Tom… but what do I do about Joey? So far I have done nothing, and it has worked. Avoidance is key.

For 2007 I hope to meet someone that is closer to my age, has similar goals, wants what I want in a relationship.. oh and is UBBER HOT. Is that too much to ask?