Single & Still Searching

Unfriended = Dumped! Wha?

2007-12-08T12:16:00.000-08:00

Apparently since the creation of Facebook it has suddenly become acceptable to simply be Unfriended on Facebook rather the broken up with. As if relationships aren't hard enough, we now not only have to worry about getting dumped but deletion.

Unbelievable. I've heard of being dumped by phone, on an answering machine, by a friend, an awkward email the list is almost endless then I hear this.

The more things made available to enhance communication suddenly made it easier to Ex-communicate, and possibly, eventually make verbal conversation obsolete all together.

Just for fun

2007-05-03T06:24:00.000-07:00

The fact is ladies, we don't have to do a lot to pick up men, the hard part is keeping them :-)

I got this email the other day and I thought it went well with the current theme of my blog.. ok it goes with the constant theme lol.

There is no such law that states only males can use pick-up lines - in fact, it's proven that a female has a higher success rate, with that being said here are my favourites.

1. Are my undies showing? He: ["No."] You: Would you like them to?

2. What's a sexy guy like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?

3. I'm a hurdle. Do you want to jump me?

4. Are you busy tonight at 2:00 A.M.?

5. (As he's leaving)....Hey aren't you forgetting something? He: What?
You: Me!

6. As you walk by, turn around and say: Excuse me, did you just touch
my ass? He: No. You: Why not??

7. Congratulations! You've been voted "Most Hottest Guy In This Room"
and the grand prize is a night with me!

8. Damn, I thought "very-fine" only came in a bottle!

9. Do you mind if I stare at you up close instead of from across the
room?

10. Does your girlfriend know where you are?

11. Excuse me, do you believe in one-night stands?

12. Excuse me, do you think you might possibly have a mutual friend who
could introduce us.

13. Hi, are you here to meet a nice girl or will I do?

14. Hi, I've been undressing you with my eyes all night long, and think
it's time to see if I'm right.

15. Hi. You'll do.

16. I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty
good.

17. Say, did we go to different schools together?

18. You see my friend over there? [Point to friend who sheepishly waves from
afar] She wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.

19. You're HOT!

Hypnosis

2007-04-09T06:23:00.000-07:00

Ok so the next part of the book that really 'took' me was a system someone uses that is pretty much Hypnosis. This upsets me. They learn/teach to use certain words and ways of speaking to literally hypnotize women into thinking they like them. This I don't like. It is one thing to learn how to show confidence and or how to get a women's attention, but there is a line. I have no problem with men using 'gimmicks' to pick up women because ultimately we fall for the guy behind the show. It is getting our attention that is hard. Getting women to sleep with you by hypnosis is just plan sleazy.
Now to be clear this guy isn't putting women in a trance or anything, but he is using key words almost subliminal messages to 'convince' them they are into him. I find that weird and disturbing. I am not going to go much more into this because they don't actually go into a lot of detail in the book, so I feel I will misrepresent the book by interpretation if I do.
If you have any comments please share.

Sex Magic

2007-04-02T11:36:00.000-07:00

Ok so here is a guideline that one of the pick up artists has written for his followers. I will try to explain if there are terms that are unclear.

1) Smile when you walk into a room. See the group with the target and follow the three second rule. Do not hesitate - approach instantly.
This is mostly self explanatory. The three second rule is basically that the man has to approach the target (or group) right away. By the way if the target is in a group he will ignore her and maybe even throw a snarky comment at her (called a Neg).

2) Recite a memorized opener, if not two or three in a row.
Self Explanatory, can be something as simple as "Did you guys watch the game tonight?"

3) The opener should open the group, not just the target. When talking ignore the target for the most part. If there are men in the group, focus your attention on the men.

4) Neg the target with one of the slew negs we've come up with.
Here is when he insults the girl he likes, if he does it right, he makes it seem cute.

5) Convey personality to the entire group. Do this by using stories, magic, anecdotes, and humour. Pay particular attention to the men and the less attractive women.

6) Neg the target again if appropriate.
Again insult her.. this guy gets laid a lot by the way.

7) Ask the group, "So, how does everyone know each other? ' if the target is with one of the guys inquire for how long.. then say "pleasure meeting you both".
This one bothers me because he isn't saying forget about the target, he is basically telling the guys to be nice to the boyfriends as they are going to still try to sleep with their girlfriends.

8) If she is single, say to the group "I've sort of been alienating your friend. Is it all right if I speak to her for a couple minutes?" Usually they agree.

9) Isolate her from the group by telling her you want to show her something. Take her to sit with you nearby. As you lead her through the crowd, do a kino test by holding her hand. If she squeezes back, its on. Start looking for other IOIs.
First of all I find this creepy, if I'm with my friends I'm not getting up and leaving to chat with you after you just insulted me.
Explanations: Kino test : physical touch test... if you touch her and she lets you its a good sign or an IOI (indicator of interest).

10) Sit her down and perform a Demonstrative Value.
In other words do a magic trick or play a mind game, recite a riddle... Um weird?

11) Tell her "Beauty is common but what's rare is a great energy and outlook on life. Tell me, what do you have inside that would make me what to know you as more then a mere face in the crowd?" if she begins to list qualities, this is a positive IOI.
Ok pleeeease tell me this doesn't work!

12) Stap talking. Does she reinitiate the chat with a question that begins with the word 'So?' . If so, you have seen 3 IOIs and you can move on to step 13.

13) Kiss Close. Say out of the blue "Would you like to kiss me?" If it's not a conduciveenvironment or have to go say "I have to go, but we should continue this" and then get her number and leave.
This one makes me laugh as I have heard it 100 times, the problem is they have a response for Yes - No and Maybe... here it is.
Yes - They kiss you.
No - They say "I didn't say you could, it just look like you had something on your mind"
Maybe - Say "Lets find out" and he kisses you.
So.. I have spent the last 3 days trying to think of a response that they couldn't get out of... and that is this.
"Do you want to kiss me?"
So now they are stuck. If they say yes, no or maybe and you are a bitch like me, you can say "thought so" and walk away.

That's all I have today. Back to the book...

The Game

2007-03-28T12:21:00.000-07:00

For those of you who don't know about the book by Neil Strauss "The Game - Penetrating the secret society of pick up artists" I want to give you a brief idea of what it is about.

It is a true story, made out to be like a 'Man's Bible' or 'Survival Guide' of some sort to help men pick up women. In a sense it makes women look stupid, but it also says a lot about the psychology of women. I am currently reading it and although I've only read a few chapters, I can already see that I too have been played. Honestly, I didn't think I had been... not as much as I'm afraid I may discover I have.

As I read I plan to let you ladies know what I am reading, and give you examples of what these men do.. if for nothing else but to help you realize when you are being played. It is hard to admit, but it happens to all of us. Now I don't want you to think that all men are creeps or out only to get you in the sack. I do want you to be self aware though, and not allow men to make you feel like a fool.

Once I am more familiar with 'The Game' I hope to conduct a little experiment of my own. I want to see if I can become a player, as oppose to a playee.

I will try to write as often as possible... please please please feel free to comment, in fact I insist on it. I want to hear your stories, how you were played or how you dodged a player. I know that one might be embarrassed, but we have to stick together. Win the Game so to speak.

On that note I will now continue my read... and remember this:

'Don't hate the Player, hate the Game'

Push and Run

2007-03-09T12:10:00.000-08:00

For those of you who don't know my relationship pattern, it goes something like this. Meet a guy... usually am not interested. He manages to spend time with me 'cause I can't say now. I start to like him, as soon as I realize that I could like him a lot I push him away or run in the other direction.

So if you read my post below, you will see that I met someone I liked and he was just like me. So much that when things started to get good and I got comfortable, he pushed and ran.

Push and Run.. That's what I will call it.. the Push and Run.

Is there a lesson in this? Am I suppose to date the guy who is like me or opposite? How do I pick and choose. I want someone who has outgoing qualities like me, but can share the centre of attention. I need someone who can take it slow, but isn't afraid of commitment like I am. I want someone who has a dreams, but can bring me down from having my head in the clouds when he has to. I don't know how so many people have found love and gotten married, seems too tricky. I need to know your secrets. Please share.

I will just hope for better luck next time I guess.

Next...

2007-03-02T12:12:00.000-08:00

So I've been getting emails asking me to update my blog.... who am I dating now, what's going on etc. I have to tell you this blog is getting a bit boring as it is always about me lately. Please!!! send me stories, I need more.

Anyway I digress...

I am writing with a story this time that doesn't upset me, scare me or frustrate me. I met a man and I like him. Seriously, it was a random meeting, at a bar of all places, he joked and invited me to the Bahamas, seemed nice, I gave him my card and thought nothing of it. Figured just a nice laugh.

Well a few days later I got an email saying that if I wouldn't go to the Bahamas the least I could do was let him take me out for dinner. So of course I did... well lunch, but lunch led to dinner (the same day). I have been dating him for a few weeks now, and I look forward to seeing him again. Rare for me. I don't know how to describe him, but in a nutshell he is the male version of me. I think that's a good thing.

I hope to keep you posted on good things... but please someone give me stories to entertain!!

I'm Free!!

2007-02-17T13:11:00.000-08:00

So a long time coming I finally told Tom I didn't want to see him anymore. It was hard as he was/is so nice to me... good news is he fucked up. It wasn't a big deal really, but it did 'give me an out' basically confirming what we knew all along, that we weren't good together.

I am excited, and I am ready to try again. Good luck to me. Stay posted though as I have met some interesting people who might get a chance to lock me in... lol... Also good luck to them.

It's Official I'm afraid of Commitment

2007-02-13T15:00:00.000-08:00

I have nothing to add to that. I don't want a boyfriend, I don't want a husband, I want to continue to fill my life with meaningless relationships.

This sucks. Hoping someone can change that, but I don't see it happening soon.

Commitment-Phobic

2007-02-07T13:09:00.000-08:00

So... I'm sure we are all wondering about Tom. I am still seeing him. I did tell him how I felt, or more so how I don't feel. Surprisingly he took it well, and in fact might like me more. I have found myself wanting to hang out with him more often now that the pressure is off. Can you say commitment-phobic?

I worry that I want him around because I'm lonely. Then I worry that I don't want him around because I am afraid of commitment. I am the most confused person I know. I want a boyfriend, but if I there is someone interested I push them away. I think it ultimately comes down to this:

When the right guy comes around I will NOT push him away, I will NOT be afraid, and I WILL be happy.

Until then I am going make a real effort with Tom. He is happy to keep it casual, and I'm good at that.

The other thing I have to get over is being with him in public or in front of friends... I am so closed. I'm not embarrassed of him at all, and god I hope he doesn't think I am. I just feel (likely as we have mutual friends) that every move we make is under scrutiny. In fact it bothers me so much he hasn't met any of my friends. I hate people judging before I do. I guess I want to decide how I feel before I hear the opinions of others... and being as I can't do that I'm going to have to have a secret/private relationship until then.

I am just wondering if anyone else's out there is as crazy as I am. Seriously this is not even girly, it's stupid.

Change of Heart or Chicken Shit?

2007-01-15T21:35:00.000-08:00

With Respect to the previous entry I am still dating Tom as I may, or may not, have had a change of heart. He seems to be calming down around me, especially when we aren't alone. I am giving it a shot. Someone who treats me that well deserves an effort on my part.

I have to be honest though, I'm going in thinking it's not going to work. I know can't go in thinking that. I just know myself. Hopefully I can be PC and if I have to end it, and end it well. Or alternatively I hope I fall madly in love with him and have his babies... ha ha okay that was a joke. Just hoping to like him for now.

Back in the dating scene…

2007-01-08T11:19:00.000-08:00

So at the end of 2006 I was on a bit of a roll. Had a few dates although nothing amounted to anything more then a few dates. What I did find though is that the men keep getting younger… or I'm quickly getting older? One friend pointed out to me that, even though we are getting older our tastes aren’t so the twenty-something year olds are still very appealing. I agree.

I have been dating someone (3 dates only) 2 years younger than me, not a big deal, in fact hardly noticeable. We will call him Tom. He is smart and really nice, and not bad to look at, fairly attractive actually, but not only is the spark not there, one I thought was there as we have been dancing around dating each other for over a year, but it seems as if we are on 2 different pages, more so 2 different books. He is reading science-fiction and I’m ready a biography. He has fun and is enthusiastic every time I see him, so happy etc. I on the other hand want to saw off my arm. Seriously, I find his stories long and uninteresting, not necessarily because they are boring, I really just think it’s a bad match. This normally wouldn’t be a problem except that he is a friend of a friend. This friend I didn’t want to tell about the dating, but Tom has already mentioned it… he is also writing a tell all book. That bugs me as well. Three dates to me hardly constitutes bragging rights, and I have only told a couple friends, no names mentioned, no introductions or anything. Now the question is, how to I stop seeing him without causing a wave of interest and far too many inquiries? I don't think I can, I must prepare.

Next date, accidental date really, but has to be mentioned is interesting for a number of reasons. Reason number one, he was a lot younger then me. We will call him Joey (‘cause he is a kid) lol. My usual rule is half my age plus 7, he is half my age plus 6. That is a lot younger then me, but as I said, my taste hasn’t changed. Thinking we were just hanging out (he is a friend from an old job) I agreed to go out with him. When he arrived and after a few comments he made I realized he thought we were on a date... I guess we were. I didn’t worry too much about it until afterward. Which brings us to interesting bit number two, I had more fun with him then I did with Tom. This pushes me further into thinking I need to end things with Tom… but what do I do about Joey? So far I have done nothing, and it has worked. Avoidance is key.

For 2007 I hope to meet someone that is closer to my age, has similar goals, wants what I want in a relationship.. oh and is UBBER HOT. Is that too much to ask?

The Number Challenge

2006-10-08T10:37:00.000-07:00

Well it has been far too long since I have written. Honestly it’s not because I’m busy, it’s because I’m not dating, nor are my friends. So due to a dry summer I have not had anything to write about. Although I still haven’t dated I thought I would take some time to write down some random thoughts.

Why do men ask for your number and then not call? Alternatively, why do the ones you don’t want to call you, get your number (by lying) and then harass you? Don’t worry I will elaborate.

Approximately three weeks ago. I met a handsome stranger on the street. I know not the best place to ‘pick up’ but I’m running out of options. So, I meet him, we talk, we laugh, we exchange numbers. He called. Yup he did. We talked on the phone for about 15 min, he asked me to go out with him on the weekend, I said yes, he said he’d call to confirm. He never called again. Nope he apparently just wanted to see if I was stupid enough to agree to go out with a guy I met on the street.

Scenario number two, ran into a guy from highschool at the bar, I wasn’t interested, but he used my job to get my number. How, by saying he wanted to buy something. Of course you do. They know I’m not interested but they think they can grow on me if they see me again. So they tell me they want me to ‘represent’ them. I can’t say no (even though I should have learned this by now) because he could be a possible buyer and make me some money. Of course he is not a buyer, he is a loser, he calls me, he emails me and some of them even manage to get me to show them places before I figure out their ‘plan’.

With this in mind I decided to try a little experiment. I started giving out my number to pretty much anyone who asked. 90% of the men seemed fairly nice and I wouldn’t mind them calling… 10% I hesitated, but in the name of science continued the experiment.

So I gave out my number to let’s say 10 guys in 2 weeks, 8 who I would want to call me 2 who I wouldn’t.

Results: 9 phone calls. Surprised? You shouldn’t be, they were from the 2 I put in the “I wouldn’t want to call me category. That’s not the kicker, the kicker is that it was all within 24 hours of meeting me. Seriously, Batchelor #1 called the next day, twice; and 6 calls, yes 6 were from Batchelor #2 (including 2 emails in that 24 hours by the way).

So really I have come to no conclusions, other then if I like a guy I can guarantee he isn’t going to call me.

Emotionally Unavailable or Just Stupid?

2006-05-15T10:32:00.000-07:00

So here I am in the midst of dating a super great guy. He is smart, funny and very nice, far too nice in fact. We will call him “Super-nice Scientist Guy”. He wants to see me all the time, (but not too much) and I enjoy seeing him. He treats me to nice dinners, a good laugh and even took me for a massage at the spa. As for attraction, it too is there, he is a great kisser - a bittoo huggy kissy for me but not a deal breaker. I know you can see where this is going so I’ll get right to it. What is the problem? Well the problem is this; I am just not ‘feeling it’. There is no heart flutter or butterflies in my tummy. Am I expecting too much too soon. I can usually tell if I like someone at this point, but I am distracted. I’m not sure by what, but something is holding me back.…

Well it turns out I found out the answer to the above. There are 2 reasons I couldn’t make it work with super-nice scientist guy. #1) I am emotionally unavailable… for the most part. But only to nice guys who are interested in me. I am available to assholes. That’s right I love assholes - turns out men are right nice guys finish last.

Reason #2) The asshole in question. I fell for a guy (we will call him ‘Dude’)… yup a guy who is aloof, a guy who calls me sexy when he wants me to have fun with him, a guy who makes me smile when I’m around, but makes me cry when I’m not. (okay okay we all know I don’t cry, but I needed the dramatic effect there.) Seriously, I broke up with Super-Nice Scientist Guy for the Dude and now I regret it. Not because I necessarily think it would have worked with Super-Nice Scientist Guy (no heart flutter); but I didn’t even date Dude. Let me explain further. I had a crush on Dude because he made me laugh, he made me feel sexy, and we have great good . Sounds like a perfect relationship - no? Well it was not a relationship it was a fantasy that only I was a part of. I some how conjured up a relationship out of a few jokes, some good company, and crazy attraction.

So where am I now. I broke up with Super-Nice Scientist Guy (as you know) because I felt guilty for having a crush on Dude (in addition to being emotionally unavailable), confessed to Dude my ‘feelings’ for him…. And now I am alone and miserable. Why because I was seeing what I wanted to see with Dude. I can’t stress this enough, if it looks like a duck, and acts like a duck, it’s a duck…if it looks like a relationship, and feels like a relationship, CLARIFY… Men aren’t ducks. So if it looks like you could be happy with someone make sure they are on the same page because if not you WILL get hurt. Even if he is your friend. I don’t think Dude did it on purpose, but he broke me… he took a confident women and made a pile of bitter and sad. I don’t blame him completely, I blame me, but I (we women) deserve better, and need to be on the look out. My newest advice (and likely a repeat) LOOK OUT FOR NUMBER ONE! That’s you. I’m not saying not to let men in, just be careful.

Take care out there ladies, put on your boxing gloves and get in the ring.

Bad Date Chronicles – Bad Date #2

2006-04-08T15:51:00.000-07:00

This is a story of a friend of mine who went on yet another first date. Before the date she was excited, even optimistic if you will. Afterward, I listened with anticipation as she described what sounded like a great first date, they got along well, had lots to talk about even a friendly touch here and there… apparently he too felt comfortable, extremely comfortable, more so then a normal person. That’s correct this wouldn’t be on here if it wasn’t about a date gone a rye. So this gent feeling confident that he is doing a great job wooing my friend decides to tell her an anecdote if you will, a little ‘story’ about his date preparation process. He mentions a few things, for example he washed his sheets (as if she might get to lay between them) and then this: Apparently, in his pre-date grooming he hurt himself. To paraphrase as best as a third party can he said, “ I got my nut-sack caught or cut or something in my grooming and I now have a Band-Aid on my aforementioned nut-sack” That’s all I have to say about this one. I can not add to that, but I do want to emphasize that if nothing else in this story is accurate know that the term “Nut-Sack” was in fact the term he used to describe, to his first date, his testicles.

Analyze This

2006-03-13T15:48:00.000-08:00

Why are we in a state of constant analysis?

Even in the best relationships 90% of the time is spent analyzing them. Good, bad, neutral, regardless of how the relationship is going it seems as though we feel the need to dissect it, analyze it and then tell our theory to all our friends (and some strangers). I’m not sure if this is to reassure ourselves of something, or to have them convince us we are wrong, but whatever the reason we can’t help but do it. This is why women are constantly asking men the question “What are you thinking?” it’s because we really don’t know, and “Nothing” is not a good enough answer.

Men have to realize the question the hardest part for us, because ultimately our fear is that they will respond with “I’m thinking you ask too many questions and I’m breaking up with you.” when they say “nothing” we think it can’t possibly be nothing, it has to be something, and if he’s not telling me it’s bad. My advice to men, always say, “I’m thinking of how sexy you are.” That would make me happy… and stop analyzing sh*t for at least 10 minutes.

They say men are difficult but I still think it’s us, women. I admit I am guilty of it too… Actually I am the queen of it. I’ll be the first to tell my girlfriends to stop analyzing and enjoy life, yet as soon as I’m interested in a guy I’m become a paranoid schizophrenic. If our guy is totally into us and treats us like a queen we think he is needy. If our guy isn’t attentive enough we assume he doesn’t like us. We are constantly trying to figure out what makes them tick, yet don’t believe them when they tell us. I don’t think it’s because we don’t trust men, I think it’s a lack of self-confidence for the most part, but also a defence mechanism. I think by reviewing and analyzing and turning the relationship into some sort of equation that we have to ‘figure out’ we can separate ourselves from the emotional part of it and then if it doesn’t work we can’t be upset because we saw it coming, or at least we should have if we did our homework.

I don’t think there is an easy way to escape this but I’m going to try.

The Relationship Rush

2006-02-02T08:39:00.000-08:00

It seems as though everyone is rushing in to relationships these days. The dating starts, by the third date they are sleeping together, the fourth they move in and within 3 months they’ve bought a house together… and are planning a wedding. Don’t think this is a one off situation either. I have had two friends elope this past year (one after only knowing each other 5 weeks) and many moving in together and buying houses. I think it is great that they are so in love that they want to be together all the time, but what is the rush? Is it an issue of insecurity? Do we have to move fast enough so that our partner doesn’t realize what a mistake they’re making by being with us?

I found myself in a rush recently, which is not like me. Well, I went on a date a couple weeks ago; I thought it went really well, at the end of the night he kissed me on the cheek. It was the perfect end to a great first date. Second date, again great date, felt more comfortable but at the end of the night he kissed me on the cheek… again. I don’t know why, but this time it bothered me. I didn’t necessarily want him to stick his tongue down my throat, but maybe a kiss on the lips would have been nice. I left feeling unsure… why? Maybe because I had never gone on a second date without getting a kiss, in fact I don’t usually go one date without one… Well he finally kissed me – and I say finally because that’s how I felt at the time, when really it was only our third meeting – but I digress, he kissed me, it was perfect, I swear it made my knees buckle. It was worth the ‘wait’; in fact I would have waiting longer had I known it would be so intoxicating.

So what was it that made me feel so rushed?

I’m looking for answers to this one…

Is Bitter in Style?

2006-01-12T08:39:00.000-08:00

The one thing I’ve noticed lately is the growing amount of bitter women; Young, bitter women. It’s strange but I think a lot of it is just a fad. It is cool to be bitter… “Everyone is doing it”. Although what I’m writing can be is often negative - especially in the direction of men, it’s meant to be entertaining. It’s just my opinion, opinion’s made through personal experience and the experience of others. I wouldn’t describe myself as bitter, I’m just trying to figure things out, form an opinion, add a little humour and have everyone read about it, lol….

Before I get off topic let me explain. Recently I was out with a number or 20 something girls, EARLY 20 something single girls. Well these single girls were being loud and clear about their opinions, and feelings toward the opposite sex. I’ll give you one guess to what it was I heard… That’s right it was bitterness. Not being much older then these girls I can’t understand it. I’ve been hurt, and badly, yet I have still managed to keep the bitter away. My anger (if any) would be toward the one who hurt me, and only him, not all men. I then looked at single women in their late 20’s and up, still bitter… in fact it seemed the amount of ‘bitter’ was in direct relation to their age. One year older, a pinch more ‘bitter’. By being bitter toward the entire gender we are basically claiming all men are the same. That then brings up the question; do we think all women are the same? We know damn well we are not… so why would we assume men are. This made me wonder about the opinion of men…

Are men just as bitter as women? Well being a person with many male friends I decided to observe their behaviour. My results, the older they got the less bitter they were. The men under 30 had some negative things to say about women, and most were expressed in a bitter way, but the one difference was they would never swear off women (like we do men) they still wanted to have female companionship – ie: get laid – despite the risk of getting hurt. There was one exception, but again men are not all the same. The men over 30 did not seem to be bitter at all. In fact, their opinion was that in the past they were not ready for a relationship therefore one would not work for them regardless of the women. Knowing these men for a number of years I can say they were a little bitter when I first met them, but always going back for more.

I am not sure why there is this distinct difference between the bitterness of men and women, but I’ve come up with a theory… maybe I pulled it out of my ass, who knows, but here it is: Women who have been hurt seem to take much longer, too long sometimes, to get over men (relationships) then men do women. Because the men get over their relationships much quicker the bitter doesn’t have time to manifest. Or maybe, just maybe men realize women aren’t all the same.

Bad Date Chronicles – Bad Date #1

2005-11-30T08:14:00.000-08:00

This story is brought to you first hand by a former singleton she shall remain nameless…

One night I meet a friend of a friend while out with a group. When he asks for my number, I think well, he's not my typical pitter patter causing kind of guy, but what the hell, the fall has been slow on the dating front. Turns out I should have trusted the no heart beat instinct.

We meet a week or two later for dinner. The restaurant is nice enough, and he orders wine, so I'm thinking things may go well after all. Then, we get past discussing menu items, and it is all down hill. It starts with, "my psoriasis has been really bad for the past few months, mostly on my scalp and feet, and it has been causing problems at work. Whenever I lean over someone else's desk, a few flakes fall onto their desk." He says this while leaning in close, head tilted. You know, because he doesn't want anybody tohear. He seems to have missed the lesson on impressing your date, not the next table.

Now, I must clear my name to an extent at this point. I am not cold hearted, psoriasis in and of itself certainly would not make someone undate-able to me.

After dinner, he walks me home. At the door, he opens hs arms to hug me. As we go towards one another, I obviously move my head to the side to communicate that there will be no kiss. As our heads pass, I begin to relax. But No! There is a somewhat painful feeling between my legs... it's a crotch grab!!! I Guess if a women doesn't want to kiss you, you then go straight for the goods! I was in so much shock that I didn't smack him I just turned on my heels and went inside. I think my jaw was still on the ground a week later. After that performance, you'll be shocked to hear that he called three days later to see if I wanted to do it again! With a crotch grabbing flaky man? I'm sure this one is still on the singles scene.

Are we in relationships just to be in a relationship?

2005-11-08T08:25:00.000-08:00

The other day I was having dinner with the girls – Miss Pink and Miss Black (single), Miss Blue and Red (in serious relationships) - We were discussing what we always discuss, sex, but more importantly relationships. Two of us complaining about incessant bad dates, the tribulations of trying to meet someone new, where to find him, and how to figure out if that they are bad for us before it’s too late. Then in a quite voice Miss. Red says, “I wonder if I’m in a relationship because I’m afraid of being alone again.” A sort silence was followed by three women simultaneously saying “No you love him…” Although I do believe that is true, our response seemed almost urgent, afraid. Apparently we don’t want to see our girlfriends in the same predicament we’re in.

Is it that bad to be single? Or is it that we need to believe in love so badly we romanticize other people's relationsips together for them, or us?

Ultimately that brings us to the question: How do we (the people in relationships) know when it’s over? I’m a strong believer in fighting the good fight, and using all resources to solve problems before giving up. Well it’s not actually giving up if you have tried your best, opened your heart and mind and did all you could do. I want to believe love will conquer all. If it becomes too exhausting, and you deflated, perhaps it’s not love you are fighting for.

I don’t think I answered any of our questions, but hopefully we will learn to listen to our friends about their relationships instead of jumping to reassure them it’s is all okay when in fact we have no idea what is going on inside. For those in relationships, hopefully they will learn to reflect on them without bias so they can judge what is truly going on. What everyone should do is support our friends, listen to them and celebrate with them when they do find true love.

The Dating Game? Is it all a game?

2005-10-28T08:09:00.000-07:00

Growing up I was taught that when I ‘grew up’ I would meet someone, fall in love, get married and have kids. No one ever mentioned how to get there, it just happens. Well maybe it just happened to some, but dating is not that simple, it seems to have become a game, sometimes even a sport. If you’re actively dating in Toronto I recommend getting some serious protective equipment, because when you crash it will take a lot more then a helmet and a mouth guard to get you through it. It’s going to take good friends, good wine, and often a good eraser ;-)

What is The Game? Well if we knew what it was we might have been able to figure out how to play it. Unfortunately, there are no rules – except that there are no rules. No one keeps score, but you always know when you’re loosing. And no matter how often you play, you can, and will get caught off guard.

The original game, yes the one our mothers taught us, playing hard to get. This has to be my favourite game… by favourite, I mean the game I like the least. If I like someone I want to tell them, ideally I want them to tell me they like me and go on from there. But NO, before The Game of dating can even start you have to have a pre-game, this is when you act aloof, hint that you like them, but never let them know for sure and wait for them to pursue you. How often does this actually work? I don’t think it does, because women don’t do it. Notice that the guys who are into you are the ones you dislike, ignore and push away. Well, that’s because they think you are playing hard to get.

Beware of the man who doesn’t want to play games. He is the ultimate player. This is the guy who says I don’t want to play games. Again giving women a false sense of hope, because what he means is “I don’t want YOU to play games”. I will be aloof, not tell you how I feel, give you mixed messages, all the while, know exactly how you feel and use it to play you like a marionette. This guy has to be the ultimate asshole. At least the other game players let you put up a good fight… this guy wants to kick you when you are down.

All that said I know there are good guys out there just keep your eyes open and guard up, ‘cause the bad ones will find you when you least expect it.

He's Just not that into You... I mean Me

2005-09-24T08:07:00.000-07:00

The excuses… I’ve heard them all. Every time a friend calls and says, “He didn’t call”, “He’s too busy”, “He’s not ready for a relationship” or “It’s bad timing”, I tell her one thing and one thing only… “He’s just not that into you”. Yes I’ve read the book, and I’ve passed on the good word “He’s Just Not That Into You”.

Why is it then, that when I here the same excuses I can’t convince myself that he’s not that into me? I know if I were giving advice to me, I would say… “Honey, he’s just not that into you” Seriously, if a guy really likes you, he will make it happen, good or bad timing, ready or not. I’ve had the guy who wasn’t ready date … not that it didn’t end in a disaster, but the point is, he wasn’t ready, it was bad timing, yet he still made it happen, because he wanted it to. So these guys who are using this as an excuse are getting away with only one thing… our feelings. Giving us false hope is not cool. In fact it is the exact opposite of cool… it’s out right shitty. Do they realize they are doing this to us? Do they think they are being kind by giving us a glimpse of hope that we turn into a, dare I call it, a relationship. We will sit and discuss these men, try to figure out these men, and worst of all WAIT for these men. As if time is really the issue. I have fallen for it once, maybe even twice…and I will fall for it again, the only thing I can say to my friends, is please slap some sense into me when you see me fall for “bad timing guy”. “I like you but I’m not ready” can mean one of two things: The more obvious one ‘let’s have sex until I’m ready… and when I’m ready, I’ll be dating someone that isn’t you… Oh, and thanks again for the sex’. Or he just likes the attention, it might be true, he might not be ready to date, but tells you he likes you too keep you interested and him feeling good about himself. These guys don’t give up … if you don’t have sex with them, that’s okay, because they are earning your trust. You think; well he isn’t trying to get in to my pants he must really like me. Nope… not the case. What he is thinking is, I’m not dating anyone right now… she’ll do me eventually. Chin up and pants on, it’s time to take charge. Let’s have them wonder… “Is she, just not that into me?”

Do people in relationships not remember what it was like to be single?

2005-09-19T08:00:00.000-07:00

Someone in a relationship cannot actually answer this question… why? Because their answer would be ‘Yes’, but the truth is more then likely ‘No’ they don’t remember. If they did, they wouldn’t set you up with people with whom you had nothing in common, other then being single as well. They wouldn’t try to set you up on a group date so you could have an audience on your first date. And they wouldn’t embellish if not flat out exaggerate how great the other person is. This of course causes you to then spend the rest of the date asking yourself, how much have I been built up or exaggerated? Can I live up to the super women my friends may have made me out to be? You are so preoccupied thinking about the impression you are making, or him not living up to the legend, you probably have a horrible time on what could have been a pretty good date, or at least a good dinner.

So many other questions arise from this; Are these friends who set you up really your friends? What is more offensive, that they set you up or that they thought you were so desperate for love that you would somehow disregard the fact that your respective date is socially inept and jump into his arms because he is willing to take you? Why is being single such a bad thing? Why do people feel sorry for those of us who don’t have a life long companion?

It is true, I’d like to find someone to spend my life with, my life is good, and full… wanting to share my experiences with someone does not make me a desperate women. It makes me a woman who has room to let someone in, someone, not just anyone.